I feel horrible lately.
Life is darker.
I believe myself a sinner.
More so then usual.
I wonder what kind of monster I've become...

Current Mood: depressed

The future is uncertain.
I admit nothing yet deny nothing.
I'm happy yet I'm afraid.

He's strange in the best way.

All I can do is let life take it's course.
Hopefully things will turn out for the better this time.

Current Mood: contemplative

I can feel it.
A darkness.
A hatred.
Something not me.
It's rebellion, and it's anger.
It's not humans I hate.
It's the way they think.

My innocence is torn away like threads embedded in my flesh; ripped clean each time I lose my understanding of them. When they turn against me.

This pain.

The love is almost gone. It's almost all gone.

.
.
.
.

I'm flying on my wings again.
I want to stop them.
Stop them red with my claws and teeth.
This time... stop them for good.

Current Mood: Distant, dark

Geez it has been awhile. I suppose life is alright right now. School is a living hell though. I keep thinking of summer break... and how it seems like it will never come. I have a new friend now *cough*aka,mypromdate*uncough*. For once in my life I'm hoping that I've found some chemistry. ;_;

Anywho, I've got a horse coming to my house this weekend. She'll be mine on lease and I get to ride her all over the trails that go for miles out behind my house.

10 Days till prom. I have to say I'm stoked. But damn there is so much to get done before then... ;w;

Arg... oh yeah. My toenails fell off. Lmfao. The ones I bruised swing-dancing like six months ago? Yeah those ones... well they're gone. New ones are coming in. Pure excitement oh yes...

And that's about it. I feel like crap today. But getting better. Gotta go to work soon...

Luvs you all <33
~Raven

Current Mood: tired

Well, I'm finally posting again. XD
Life has gone by far less then smoothly. But we rise from roughness eh? I think so at least. I've found new reasons to move about and be happy. I'm on a quest of self-improvement without altering who I am. I hope it works. I picked up yoga at school. And I must say, as skeptical as I was, I'm actually enjoying it. My teacher says that if it ever gets warm, we'll go outside and practice. Joy!

Today was the Culture Festival at school. Again, I was skeptical, but I really enjoyed it. :D It was fun. I got to listen to a full-blood Native American, a woman from India, and these really cool martial arts guys. Plus I got to follow around that creature in which I have set my eyes upon. >.> .... >.<

So yes! Tomorrow is an early day for me. It's a practice session with the girls orchestra/band, and the boys concert band a choirs. So, basically, mass amounts of people in one room. See there's a concert coming up... yada yada we all play a grand old song together and blow the walls down with the noise. XD

Annnyway... >.> I went to the boys' school today after the festival got out so I could find their music teacher. I asked if I could come in early tomorrow morning to help set up; she said yes! Of course... this means I get to see my special creature early as well. >D Bwhahaha! Right now I'm plotting an excuse to talk to him. I know I'll think of something. Cause damn I'm good when it comes to sneaky plans. XD

Nyaa! Hope everyone is doing weeeellll. <333 I know I'm doing very well indeed.

Loves!!

~Raven <3

P.S. Today, I'm exactly two months past 17. <33

Current Mood: cheerful
Current Music: Vertical Horizon - Forever

Things... have just gone from bad to worse. I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm not sick... maybe in the head. My computer completely crashed. A hard-drive full of two years worth of priceless documents is gone. My moods are swinging faster then I ever thought possible. And not in a good way. One minute I'm angry, the next I'm breaking down, and then I just feel utterly emotionless. Life feels so empty for some reason. I feel like a piece of me is gone. Once again I want to be alone, even though being alone feels painful. I don't want to see anyone. I can't explain where this pain is coming from... My fears are escalating. I feel like paranoia and depression are strangling me into a slow death. My old life is gone... I'm in someone else's body. Everything is wrong. I'm confused. I'm lost. Who, where, what am I? Why am I so empty and in so much pain?

I'm sorry you guys... I might not be online for awhile.

Current Mood: depressed

It's 3:33 A.M.
Can't sleep.
I feel really alone.
I'm hungry but I don't feel like eating, I'm tired but I can't sleep. My stomach hurts a bit. Things have been weird. I want to talk to someone, yet I don't want to talk to anyone. I just can't understand why...

Current Mood: uncomfortable

Well now... what to talk about at 12:18 at night? Mm... my door just opened by itself. o.O Oh cat... >.> Well. My tarantula tried to go for a walk today. I said no though. I still need to order a leash. Yes.

So current events! We're moving! Yay! Only about ten miles away, but it'll be nice cause *cough*nofather*uncough* Yeah... >.>...

The blizzard struck two days ago. We're still snowed in... c'mon! It's only five feet! Just put a plow on the van.

I have no Diet Pepsi. x.x I am going to walk through that damn snow if I don't get one. There are no potato chips in the house either. X.X How can I undergo the physical labor of moving and packing boxes with no PEPSI AND CHIPS???!!!

Okay I'm fine. >.< Let's see... my birfday is soon. <3 The 27th of December! I'm going bowling with some of my friends... laser tag... arcade. Yep. Then Emily and Jess are coming over to stay the night. :3 Fun fun. Sweet 17 ya?

Well that's about all I can think of for tonight. XP Peace and love my friends!!

~Raven

Current Mood: chipper
Current Music: A Thousand Words - Savage Garden

I also had a very vivid dream last night. I was standing in this... almost ski-resort looking room with wood walls and a dark carpet floor. For awhile I was just hanging around talking with my Asian friend Kim when all of a sudden I see my ex-boyfriend peaks around the wall. I half-panic and try to get away from him by going around the other side of the wall, but he cuts me off. "I'm really upset with you, you know," he tells me. "You hurt me with that last thing you did, and I'm not forgiving you."
I just glare at him and say something along the lines of, "Well fuck off then. I don't care what you think and I have a girlfriend now."
He kind of laughs and says, "Yeah right."
That's when I back away from him and run off real quick to find Kim. I grab her arm and pull her into this random closet. "You're my girlfriend now okay? You need to act lesbian for the next ten minutes."
Kim just grins at me and says, "Of course I will." Then we hold hands and walk back out to find my ex.
That's when I wake up to real life... my father yelling about something in the kitchen... it went along the lines of "Cheese sandwiches aren't healthy for you!" or something really random like that.

So back to real life. Today was a snow day. I just slept in, which made me tired. I probably could've done some homework but I just hate taking up my days off with stuff like that.
And now I'm just being annoyed by my father who is convinced that I'm going to do something bad at the dance this Saturday. And all day he was angry cause I stayed in my room where it's dark and warm. Apparently I "don't come out in the sun enough and that's going to make me sick". -_-...
Way to discriminate against vampires. Jerk...

So that is my rant. Huzzah! XD

~Raven

Current Mood: sleepy

Gomenasai, my online time is going to be very limited this week. I'm being slapped with a test in every class and more essays and projects then I can stomach. I suddenly feel very worried... very overwhelmed with everything that's closing in on me so quickly.
Mizu, Seth-kun, I shall 'see' you both as soon as I can. Take care until then, ne?

*huggness*

~Raven


Toumei ga yozora somete hitori aruku itsumo no kaerimichi
Kuchizusamu konna kimochi nemuru kimi ni todoketai na
Nanika ni obieteru jibun ga chotto iya ni naru tsugeru omoi torinokoshita hibi ni... dokoka ni wasureteru kokoro ga chotto itakunaru toki wo tsunagu hoshi no yoru ni kimi wo sagashiteru
Toozakaru kumo ni nosete boku no kimochi tachidomaru kaerimichi

Current Mood: worried
Current Music: Anti-Nostalgic, Kotani Kinya