:: Raven Red Fox Scuro::

Tue, 25 Sep 2007 01:59:24 GMT

I feel horrible lately.
Life is darker.
I believe myself a sinner.
More so then usual.
I wonder what kind of monster I've become...

A mate for Raven?

Sun, 23 Sep 2007 22:36:04 GMT

The future is uncertain.
I admit nothing yet deny nothing.
I'm happy yet I'm afraid.

He's strange in the best way.

All I can do is let life take it's course.
Hopefully things will turn out for the better this time.

Mon, 04 Jun 2007 03:07:08 GMT

I can feel it.
A darkness.
A hatred.
Something not me.
It's rebellion, and it's anger.
It's not humans I hate.
It's the way they think.

My innocence is torn away like threads embedded in my flesh; ripped clean each time I lose my understanding of them. When they turn against me.

This pain.

The love is almost gone. It's almost all gone.

.
.
.
.

I'm flying on my wings again.
I want to stop them.
Stop them red with my claws and teeth.
This time... stop them for good.

Haven't posted in a month

Wed, 04 Apr 2007 19:15:35 GMT

Geez it has been awhile. I suppose life is alright right now. School is a living hell though. I keep thinking of summer break... and how it seems like it will never come. I have a new friend now *cough*aka,mypromdate*uncough*. For once in my life I'm hoping that I've found some chemistry. ;_;

Anywho, I've got a horse coming to my house this weekend. She'll be mine on lease and I get to ride her all over the trails that go for miles out behind my house.

10 Days till prom. I have to say I'm stoked. But damn there is so much to get done before then... ;w;

Arg... oh yeah. My toenails fell off. Lmfao. The ones I bruised swing-dancing like six months ago? Yeah those ones... well they're gone. New ones are coming in. Pure excitement oh yes...

And that's about it. I feel like crap today. But getting better. Gotta go to work soon...

Luvs you all <33
~Raven

What a day :]

Wed, 28 Feb 2007 00:38:56 GMT

Well, I'm finally posting again. XD
Life has gone by far less then smoothly. But we rise from roughness eh? I think so at least. I've found new reasons to move about and be happy. I'm on a quest of self-improvement without altering who I am. I hope it works. I picked up yoga at school. And I must say, as skeptical as I was, I'm actually enjoying it. My teacher says that if it ever gets warm, we'll go outside and practice. Joy!

Today was the Culture Festival at school. Again, I was skeptical, but I really enjoyed it. :D It was fun. I got to listen to a full-blood Native American, a woman from India, and these really cool martial arts guys. Plus I got to follow around that creature in which I have set my eyes upon. >.> .... >.<

So yes! Tomorrow is an early day for me. It's a practice session with the girls orchestra/band, and the boys concert band a choirs. So, basically, mass amounts of people in one room. See there's a concert coming up... yada yada we all play a grand old song together and blow the walls down with the noise. XD

Annnyway... >.> I went to the boys' school today after the festival got out so I could find their music teacher. I asked if I could come in early tomorrow morning to help set up; she said yes! Of course... this means I get to see my special creature early as well. >D Bwhahaha! Right now I'm plotting an excuse to talk to him. I know I'll think of something. Cause damn I'm good when it comes to sneaky plans. XD

Nyaa! Hope everyone is doing weeeellll. <333 I know I'm doing very well indeed.

Loves!!

~Raven <3

P.S. Today, I'm exactly two months past 17. <33

I don't... know...

Wed, 10 Jan 2007 04:46:59 GMT

Things... have just gone from bad to worse. I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm not sick... maybe in the head. My computer completely crashed. A hard-drive full of two years worth of priceless documents is gone. My moods are swinging faster then I ever thought possible. And not in a good way. One minute I'm angry, the next I'm breaking down, and then I just feel utterly emotionless. Life feels so empty for some reason. I feel like a piece of me is gone. Once again I want to be alone, even though being alone feels painful. I don't want to see anyone. I can't explain where this pain is coming from... My fears are escalating. I feel like paranoia and depression are strangling me into a slow death. My old life is gone... I'm in someone else's body. Everything is wrong. I'm confused. I'm lost. Who, where, what am I? Why am I so empty and in so much pain?

I'm sorry you guys... I might not be online for awhile.

None

Thu, 28 Dec 2006 10:35:56 GMT

It's 3:33 A.M.
Can't sleep.
I feel really alone.
I'm hungry but I don't feel like eating, I'm tired but I can't sleep. My stomach hurts a bit. Things have been weird. I want to talk to someone, yet I don't want to talk to anyone. I just can't understand why...

Been awhile XP

Fri, 22 Dec 2006 07:32:57 GMT

Well now... what to talk about at 12:18 at night? Mm... my door just opened by itself. o.O Oh cat... >.> Well. My tarantula tried to go for a walk today. I said no though. I still need to order a leash. Yes.

So current events! We're moving! Yay! Only about ten miles away, but it'll be nice cause *cough*nofather*uncough* Yeah... >.>...

The blizzard struck two days ago. We're still snowed in... c'mon! It's only five feet! Just put a plow on the van.

I have no Diet Pepsi. x.x I am going to walk through that damn snow if I don't get one. There are no potato chips in the house either. X.X How can I undergo the physical labor of moving and packing boxes with no PEPSI AND CHIPS???!!!

Okay I'm fine. >.< Let's see... my birfday is soon. <3 The 27th of December! I'm going bowling with some of my friends... laser tag... arcade. Yep. Then Emily and Jess are coming over to stay the night. :3 Fun fun. Sweet 17 ya?

Well that's about all I can think of for tonight. XP Peace and love my friends!!

~Raven

So... my day has been odd.

Wed, 29 Nov 2006 23:11:55 GMT

I also had a very vivid dream last night. I was standing in this... almost ski-resort looking room with wood walls and a dark carpet floor. For awhile I was just hanging around talking with my Asian friend Kim when all of a sudden I see my ex-boyfriend peaks around the wall. I half-panic and try to get away from him by going around the other side of the wall, but he cuts me off. "I'm really upset with you, you know," he tells me. "You hurt me with that last thing you did, and I'm not forgiving you."
I just glare at him and say something along the lines of, "Well fuck off then. I don't care what you think and I have a girlfriend now."
He kind of laughs and says, "Yeah right."
That's when I back away from him and run off real quick to find Kim. I grab her arm and pull her into this random closet. "You're my girlfriend now okay? You need to act lesbian for the next ten minutes."
Kim just grins at me and says, "Of course I will." Then we hold hands and walk back out to find my ex.
That's when I wake up to real life... my father yelling about something in the kitchen... it went along the lines of "Cheese sandwiches aren't healthy for you!" or something really random like that.

So back to real life. Today was a snow day. I just slept in, which made me tired. I probably could've done some homework but I just hate taking up my days off with stuff like that.
And now I'm just being annoyed by my father who is convinced that I'm going to do something bad at the dance this Saturday. And all day he was angry cause I stayed in my room where it's dark and warm. Apparently I "don't come out in the sun enough and that's going to make me sick". -_-...
Way to discriminate against vampires. Jerk...

So that is my rant. Huzzah! XD

~Raven

Tiring

Mon, 27 Nov 2006 07:05:59 GMT

Gomenasai, my online time is going to be very limited this week. I'm being slapped with a test in every class and more essays and projects then I can stomach. I suddenly feel very worried... very overwhelmed with everything that's closing in on me so quickly.
Mizu, Seth-kun, I shall 'see' you both as soon as I can. Take care until then, ne?

*huggness*

~Raven

Toumei ga yozora somete hitori aruku itsumo no kaerimichi
Kuchizusamu konna kimochi nemuru kimi ni todoketai na
Nanika ni obieteru jibun ga chotto iya ni naru tsugeru omoi torinokoshita hibi ni... dokoka ni wasureteru kokoro ga chotto itakunaru toki wo tsunagu hoshi no yoru ni kimi wo sagashiteru
Toozakaru kumo ni nosete boku no kimochi tachidomaru kaerimichi

Sat, 25 Nov 2006 05:01:15 GMT

Today must have been one of reflection, cause I also drifted off multiple times just thinking about things (like you did Mizu <3). I'm really fixated on the future for some reason. I want it to come so badly, yet there are huge obstacles in the way. 2007 is going to be the longest year of my life. I have to balance the beginnings of my Senior year in high school and the hope that on my 18th birthday, I just might get to be "more then friends" with someone. Of course, there's the matter of becoming "really good friends" first. We've already clicked... there's so much in common between us. But friendship is all I want right now. I hope things work, but if they don't, I have plenty of paths to choose from. And besides >3 I've got two fantastic friends who are utterly amazing; AND JOO KNOW WHO YOU ARE! XD
I agree that life is indeed mysterious. One thing happens so that another may come into play. Who knows what lies just around the corner of our days here?

*glomps n' pokes for you both* >33

~Raven

Pointless Quiz XD

Thu, 23 Nov 2006 03:25:37 GMT

What Would You Rather Be Called?

001. Babe or Baby: Babe
002. Sweetie or Honey: Honey
003. Darling or Dear: Darling

This [or] That

004. hug or kiss: both
005. white or black: Black
006. ground or sky: Sky
007. night or day: Night
008. pool or beach: Beach
009. love or lust: Love
010. you or me: Us
011. silver or gold: Silver
012. left or right: Right
013. sunny or rainy: Rainy
014. hot or cold: Warm
015. lake or river: Lake

Do You...

016. eat 3 meals a day: Usually
017. like someone: Yes
018. believe in love at 1st sight: Maybe
019. like school: Sometimes

Have You Ever...

020. been camping: Yes
021. eaten alligator: No
022. gotten in a fight: Yes
023. been out of the country: No
024. cussed someone out: Yes
025. held a grudge for more than a week: Yes
026. killed something: Bugs
027. had a mud fight: No

Presently..

01. is your hair wet?: No
02. is your cell phone right by you?: xD Yes
03. do you miss someone?: Yes
04. are you wearing makeup: Yes
05. are you wearing chapstick: No
07. are you tired: Yes
08. are you excited: For something... yes.
09. are you watching tv: No
10. are you wearing pajamas: No

Recently..

01. recently done anything you regret: Yes
02. ever lied: Yes
03. ever stuck gum under a desk table: No
04. ever kick someone?: Yes
05. ever trip over your own feet?: Yes

Today..

01. have you cursed: Yes
02. have you yelled at someone: Yes
03. have you gotten mad at someone: Yes
04. have you cried: No
05. have you called more than 3 people: No
06. have you IM'd more than 3 people: Yes

Q 01: is there a person who is on your mind right now?
A 01: Yes

Q 02: where is the last place you went?
A 02: Em's house

Q 03: who is the last person you called?
A 03: Kim... I think. XD But I didn't reach you.

Q4: who do you like more, your mom or dad?
A 04: Mom

Q 05: do you have any siblings?
A 05: Too many. But I live with my older brother.

Q 06: do you smile often?
A 06: Yes

Q 07: do you think that someone is thinking about you right now?
A 07: I hope so. But honestly, if you're reading this, then you're thinking about me. Right? XD

Q 08: do you wish on stars?
A 08: All the time

Q 09: do you untie your shoes every time you take them off?
A 09: My shoes don't have laces. >3

Q 10: when did you last cry?
A 10: Not sure, a few days ago maybe?

Q 11: do you like your handwriting?
A 11: If I purposely make it look nice.

Q 12: are you a friendly person?
A 12: I try really hard to be.

Q 13: who's bed did you sleep in last night?
A 13: Em's XD

Q 14: what color shirt are you wearing?
A 14: Dark purple.

Q 15: do you have any pets?
A 15: More then you can count.

Q 16: what is the color of your bedsheets?
A 16: Lime green.

Q 17: what were you doing at 3pm yesterday
A 17: Getting out of school.

Q 18: i can't wait until...
A 18: Something special happens.

Q 19: is tom on your friends list?
A 19: No xD Sorry Tom.

Q 20: look to your right. what's there?
A 20: Pillows! :D I ♥ pillows...

Q 22: ever cried yourself to sleep?
A 22: Yes

Q 23: ever cried on your friend's shoulder?
A 23: Yes

Q 24: song that makes you cry or really emotional?
A 24: Some of Josh Groban's songs after I go through a bad point in time.

Q 25: are you normally a happy person?
A 25: Most always.

Q 26: has anyone ever said 'i love you' to you?
A 26: Yes

Q 27: if yes do you think they meant it?
A 27: Yes

Something Random

Wed, 22 Nov 2006 20:13:15 GMT

Yay! I’m finally on Thanksgiving break. It’s not much though. I go back to school on Monday. And my oh so loving teachers gave me more then enough work to do. *cough*bastards*uncough* But anyway, I spent the previous night at a friend’s house (girl who is a friend, not girlfriend) doing absolutely pointless things. What surprised me is that we were actually very good. There was no alcohol, no clothes came off, and the most intimate contact I got was a kiss on the cheek. I have really weird friendships, but meh, I like them that way I suppose.

And for now, I’m just reeeally tired. Despite the fact that I went to bed at 2:00 and slept until 11:00 didn’t seem to help much. So, I shall chat with you all soon.

Peace and love my friends!

~Raven

Fireworks!

Mon, 20 Nov 2006 04:59:08 GMT

Here are my pictures for you, Mizu. <3 They're only cell phone quality, but it was all I had. *cough*dropped a text book on my camera*uncough* But, anywho... for you!

<3,
~Raven

Yay!

The weekend

Sun, 19 Nov 2006 18:48:09 GMT

My whole Saturday was spent at a rabbit show. I saw some old friends, played with some younger kids who ended up giving me a few bruises, and got to see a local fireworks show (which I have pictures for you, Mizu. :]). This Sunday I have to spend the whole day on my history project. It shall literally eat my whole day. x.X
Hope everyone else had a good weekend.

Love n' peace,
~Raven

Today was different...

Fri, 17 Nov 2006 02:20:22 GMT

I thought I would post what happened today, since it was slightly out of the ordinary. In all honesty, I can say that I've never looked death in the face before. It's not like anything else...being trapped in a little sedan, slowed down by the little sedan in front you, and watching helplessly as 88,000 lbs of semi-truck comes barreling down the hill two feet from your bumper, unable to stop. All I really remember is seeing the metal fangs that were welded to the front of the truck fill my entire rear-view mirror, and then the sound of a train-horn screaming out behind me. I don't remember when it was that I got safely onto flat ground again. For awhile I thought that the semi had lost his breaks. But a moment later I noticed that he had made it around the turn with me.

We had both been at fault. But if something had happened, he obviously would've come out unharmed; unlike myself. I took so much precaution for the rest of the day. I felt really selfish, careless, and ungrateful. I still do. I made a vow... to try my best not to be that way when I'm in a place where life hangs in the balance. There is still so much about life I've yet to learn about understand...

~Raven

My First

Fri, 17 Nov 2006 00:24:57 GMT

I never know what to say on first blog entries. The stereotypical "Hi, how are ya. This is me" seems to work though. :) My name is Len, or Raven; whichever you prefer. I'm 16.9 years old, am female (as far as I know), and am bisexual. I live peacefully in the middle of nowhere, own something of a farm, and attend an all girl's high school. I love anime and art. I attempt to draw myself but overall I'm not pro-quality. But I am who I am, and I'm happy with that.

Anyway, I'm still getting to know livejournal, so please bear with me.

~Raven